Friday, July 18, 2014

Ranting Redhead: Birkenstocks

I'm so amused by the manic trend cycles of fashion. Something can be so hated and then poof all of a sudden SO loved.
Ranting Redhead is back and addressing the shoes your childhood neighbors Dad wore. Birkenstocks, bitches.
Take it away Ashley Garner....

Am I the only one who still remembers less than 3 years ago when no body under 50 would be caught dead in Birkenstocks unless they were legitmatley wearing them because 1) they've always worn them or 2) they are an athlete of some sort? Otherwise it was a "god forbid" scenario. Now I sit on the train and see at least 50% of the girls my age wearing them with such confidence and conviction; as though they have always been ride or die with the B's. But we all actually know what's happening. As soon as these girls started flipping through their magazine/blog/zine/whatever-the-fuck of choice for the month and saw Birkenstocks featured in every major editorial or ad or runway they suddenly NEEDED them.
And now they are sooooo comfortable and sooooo convenient, and oh ya, they match with everything! Well I'm going to go out on a limb here and possibly run the risk of losing several friends by saying this but I just can't keep my mouth shut anymore. I think Birkenstocks are ugly as f*ck. No matter how comfortable they are I still see it as the same argument that I make with Crocs: the bitches are ugly no matter how you try to dress them up. With socks, painted nails, cool ankle jewelry, I don't even know nor do I even care that much. Now one may not care if they are ugly or not and solely be invested in them for orthopedic reasons but I have a very good feeling that the girls in their 20's here in New York are not thinking about that factor too much.
So I leave you with this: WTF Birkenstocks. You aren't cool no matter if Celine puts fur on you or a Brooklyn local pairs you with Alexander Wang overalls. You may be comfortable but I'll never know, you disgust me so. I bid you adieu, forever and always I can only hope.
Yours truly,
A Ranting Redhead 

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