|Photo by Ashley Garner|
Well, to start..
It seems I've somewhat rebelled against formulated words these past few months or so. I dove into the 'industry' last year deeper than I could've ever imagined for a gal like myself. Those who know me well can testify. It was amazing and liberating but quite a feat for a highly sensitive person like myself. I learned a bit about life, people, and how quickly things can change. On a personal note: December hit a high note, a ground breaking bridge, but once I started to decipher the lyrics of this song and really hear everything out, I encountered things had been lost in translation and somewhat auto tuned to a degree. Lost Girl was a project I began in January. It was visually conceived through denim one evening in the San Fernando Valley Los Angeles last September. Tons of emotional garbage, good and bad, started to dance around me throughout the entire process of creating and living this Lost Girl character. I headed to New York in February to start the shooting process with the guidance and art direction of my dear friend Ashley Garner. It was cold, nonetheless incredible, but fucking cold. The filming and shooting began alongside a frozen bird in Williamsburg. I will never forget this early Sunday morning image. Day 1 of shooting with 10 hours to go in 10 degree weather, with a team involved for the sake of art and a vision, and a dead bird.
To get down to business, what I've come to realize is that shit takes time. The age of technology is a great blessing and a curse. Patience is the only answer when it comes to good relationships, expressing yourself properly, being true to your heart and your art, and ultimately being a good human being. This industry is a fucking treadmill. It is oversaturated, over opinionated, and becoming unrealistic with its turnover time forcing creative pursuits to become contrived, suffocated, and trivial. Numbers versus numbers. Literal jacked fashion left and right. False smiles and words while the rest of the world keeps on turning and burning. Nothing felt real to me anymore and it made me very sad for quite some time. The visual fantasy wasn't enough. A shiny hellish new world treadmill it seemed to be. Don't get me wrong, I love running. I just prefer running the streets and jumping on and off of the treadmill when I please. Or maybe even building my own 'dysfunctional' treadmill of sorts. I'm not quite sure if I can ever fully sign up to the system. Maybe, it's just time to get the system right in my head.
I spent my life being quiet, timid, and formulated followed by tuff, bold, and over the top. I've played both players in the game. This crossroads of finding a happy medium has taught me a lot. I hope some of that word vomit can translate into Lost Girl.
P.S. Never let fear make you it's bitch.